Schrodingers Cake

The absurdity of the human need to commit, paired with our equally strong need to fling our genetic material to the furthest reaches of creation is not lost on me. Why oh why are human beings afflicted constantly with conflicting desires. Sometimes it seems that we as a species, are doomed to wrestle constantly with each other, and above all ourselves. Although I am personally a firm believer in the crucible like effects of conflict, I am certainly not inured to it's wear and tear. I can see the value of two contrary ideals competing for primacy, forcing most to (hopefully) utilize the best of both.

A bit of background before I continue onto the main point. I've recently been made a cuckold. While this has certainly been a negative and painful experience, I have been trying to put into words my own deeply held but too seldom examined dedication to the idea of permanent monogamy.

My most compelling personal reason for pursuing permanence in a partner in life would best be described as seeking a witness. A witness to both the noble and ignoble, the miraculous and mundane. I take a not inconsiderable amount of comfort in the idea, that my life in it's near entirety, will not be solely my own experience. That in my struggle to understand and live with myself, I need not do so alone, and most especially not when at my most desperate. The corollary to that is that I will be(hopefully) a witness in turn. I find the idea of being present and observing first hand, the myriad tribulations of another life both intellectually fascinating, and emotionally satisfying.

To be fair, I must present the other side of my own case. I certainly don't stop looking at or desiring other women sexually, or even sometimes emotionally(and which is the greater betrayal?) even while in a committed long term relationship. But while my eye may wander, this is as far as I take things. I think that really infidelity is an inexcusable lapse of morals. It is the ascendancy of the Id, and I'm not speaking from a puritanical stance. I have no problem with consenting adults engaging in polygamy and swapping and what not. But such things must be done openly and honestly, with the knowledge of the other partner. Anything else is pure selfishness, and the wellspring of morality begins with this simple truth; That your own needs are not necessarily paramount to the needs of others.

In any case I challenged the cad who had knowingly done this thing to a physical confrontation to settle matters between us. I am of course aware that it won't necessarily 'solve' anything, other than perhaps my intense desire to rearrange his features. In any case, the girl involved between us intervened and put a stop to that. I certainly hadn't any intention to inform her, as this was a matter between myself and the blackguard. But the coward decided to inform her so that she might convince him not to meet the gauntlet I had laid down for him. Such a douche.

Anyhow enough of the personal. Onward and upward to higher things.